first dates

The City Slicker

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Unable to see my tall blonde city slicker, I walk past the bar in search for him.

From the corner of my eye, I spot a small creepy man hiding in a doorway. Tightening my grip on my bag whilst feeling for my perfume to act as pepper spray and reaching for my keys ready to jab him in the eye. I pick up my pace as this small podgy man begins to lurk out of the shadows…..aaahhh following me! Great, where the hell is my date?

Walking faster as I search frantically for my phone, I hear my name being called from behind me…Oh god please don’t say that creepy man is my date?!  (more…)

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The Man With Tiny Feet

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After weeks of texting and his endless stream of Snapchat selfies (a little vain perhaps, but at least I know he looks like his pictures and that is HOT!)

Squeezing into my Sandy from Grease trousers and a belly full of nerves, I jump on the tube and venture across the river to Camden, North London.

I spot my date in the distance – it is hard not too, when he is that fit! –  gliding along ‘on Cloud 9’ and beaming from ear to ear, I suddenly feel an almighty crash… is my heel caught in the pavement?  No it’s reality smashing me in the knee caps!

He has lied about his height. (more…)

In which I became the crazy one

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My plan to turn up looking fantastic and stunning him into a state of seduction was becoming something of a distant dream, as I wandered around attached to Google Maps like a lost tourist, in torrential rain – I finally admitted defeat and called him… (more…)

The man with small hands

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Date night had arrived and I was excited to finally be meeting this tall, dark and handsome man but that feeling was short lived, when my eyes fell upon a small unattended child waving at me from across the road.  Turning around in search of the mother of this poor abandoned child, I realised that no, there was no such woman and that this was no child…this was in fact my date! (more…)