The Non Tinder Date


Walking up to meet my non tinder date, God I hope I recognize him.

Oh my… I was clearly hammered when we met. I remember him being much better looking than this. Fuck!

Hopefully he has something nice planned to detract from the awfulness of how this date is going to go.

We are not even at our date destination yet and I’m already mentally deciding that I’m only staying for an hour out of politeness. As he signals me into the pub for drinks, not just any pub, my local pub and the one where he works – Great! 

Plonking my bum down outside and texting my friends for help, I suddenly notice through the bar window that he’s not paying for the drinks – oh my god, he’s literally  took me out for free drinks at his work place, what is wrong with this guy!?!

Sitting opposite him and taking full advantage of these free drinks, I can’t help but notice his uncanny resemblance to my ex -boyfriend, – what the hell was I thinking the other night?

Escaping to the hunched toilet cubicle which has a strange smell of horse manure and gagging as I call my friend to rescue me.

As I exit the toilet, I notice all the staff congregating at the end of the bar, sniggering as I walk past.  I don’t think I can show my face here for a while. Perching back on my seat and trying to keep a distance between us, he starts to shuffle himself forward towards me. Oh no.

The closer he’s getting, the more rigid I am becoming and more aware of the bar staff, who are all now blatently staring at us.

Oh my god that’s his tongue and it’s coming straight at me, Arggghhhh! Pushing him back, ‘What are you doing?’ I stare at him with my best WTF face! Checking my phone and yes the hour is up, it’s home time…finally!

Just as I’m almost free, he grabs my hand ‘Shall we go back to yours? – Hell No!’

He has not stopped texting…maybe I should just stick to Tinder?



  1. Hahahahah, i wrote all about tongues in my latest blog post. I recently created a dating blog!! SO this is great content. The guy I was with licked the table…enough said

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha this was hilarious, I remember this happening to me quite a few times and how I thought it was easier to meet very good looking guys on Tinder as at least I had the memory of their picture :P

    Liked by 1 person

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