Date night had arrived and I was excited to finally be meeting this tall, dark and handsome man but that feeling was short lived, when my eyes fell upon a small unattended child waving at me from across the road. Turning around in search of the mother of this poor abandoned child, I realised that no, there was no such woman and that this was no child…this was in fact my date!
I stood in a state of horror at this miniature man walking towards me, praying to God that my face did not look like a woman who had just undergone 10 rounds of Botox and had that fixed facial expression of frozen shock.
He then reached his tiny man hands out to greet me, followed by a voice that I was not prepared for – surely this was not the man I had been messaging? It is not that I am in denial…he quite literally had a different face.
Sitting down in the pub with him was more mortifying than the initial meet, mainly because the entire pub was staring and mouthing to each other ‘internet date’.
I did not think it could get any worse but then he did the unthinkable…he ran off…not to escape this painfully cringe worthy date as I had first hoped, but instead to get 2 pillows for him to sit on and to create a make-shift booster seat.
I must point out that this man was not actually a dwarf and that I am not in any way height-ist (if that word even exists) as I am exceptionally short myself. It is just that I have never met a man shorter than me, especially one that perceived himself to be at least 6 foot tall.
We sat there making small talk whilst I did the only thing I know how to In an awkward situation, I got drunk, excessively drunk and after one too many vodkas I even began to feel guilty that I had I judged him solely on his height or lack thereof. It was not his fault that he was short (I blame his parents), but the truth was I had been duped into this date.
As Tinder is an online shopping app for romance, I would be well within my rights to have sent him back under the pretence of false advertising, if he was a product that is.
We have not spoken since.